My parents didn't raise me in a fantasy world where good always wins. In fact, my dad being so involved with and passionate about politics led to my exposure of just how often bad wins and to what extent they will go to get that win. It's absolutely disgusting.
If you've never had the "pleasure" of knowing someone who will tell an outright lie with all the conviction of the truth and never even blink, then you're either very blessed, very sheltered or, even worse, you're clueless to those around you with this vice. Trust me, I was one of the clueless ones for many years. Coming to terms with the reality of who someone really is - one of the most devastating times in my life. I still bear those scars. Those of you who are blessed, sheltered or clueless, also represent a great majority of my community. That frightens me. Let's not forget about that other set of people who will know something is untrue, but use that lie to their advantage. They aren't any better than the person who spoke the lie. It wouldn't be said if it weren't true, right? If only true things were spoken...
My husband and I are good people. We have worked so hard to give our children a wonderful life with great experiences and an unending exposure to the grace and mercy of our amazing God. We aren't perfect by any means, but we most definitely are not malicious, revengeful or ones to stir the pot and add to unnecessary drama. We just want to live our lives in peace.
I'm struggling with forgiveness right now. I know that forgiveness is not deserved by me or anyone else, but it was given anyway through Christ Jesus. I know that God calls us to forgive the unforgivable and to love the unlovable, but I can't do it. Let me rephrase that: I can't do it alone. I know I can with God's strength, but, honestly, I am having a hard time even asking for God to help me with this because, dang it, I don't want to do it! Maybe I should just start praying for God to give me the desire to ask for help with forgiving instead of praying for God to give me the desire to forgive. All I know is that I'm heartbroken, disgusted and in a state of shock.
Another thing with which I'm struggling: no good, worthless parents. I am blessed to have parents who love me unconditionally, whose support is unwavering and who would never give up on me, turn on me or hurt me out of their own selfish ambitions. I've experienced more than one worthless parent (not mine, of course) this past week. My heart absolutely breaks for their children. How sad for, not only their children, but for them, as well. Their children will never know the kind of love I know from my parents and those parents are too blind and heartless to feel the love these children have for them, regardless of how worthless they are. To those worthless parents: Don't worry one little second about it - my parents, the rest of this family and I have more love to give to your children than you have for yourself.
I thank God for my parents and I ask forgiveness for the times I have so stupidly taken them for granted. Jim and Debbie Hardin, you are amazing. Thank you for the constant love and support. Thank you for keeping me in check when I wasn't living the life God wanted me to live. Thank you for loving me through all of the messes I have made in my life and for teaching me to pick myself back up and keep going even when it felt impossible. Thank you for your commitment to Christ and the example it is to my husband, my children, my siblings and myself. No, you aren't perfect, but after what I've witnessed this past week, you're perfect in my eyes.
I don't even know if anyone reads my blog anymore. I can't blame you if you don't, I definitely won't be winning any blogger of the year awards. If you are reading this, please pray for my family. Please pray that we will be able to forgive the people who have hurt us so badly. Please pray that no amount of power, position, money or corruptness will beat out what is true and right. Please pray for the leadership of this city. Satan has his hand in so much of what they do and say. It should terrify us all. Please pray that we will continue to let God guide us through this mess and that we would always seek to follow His will. Please pray that we will one day be able to forgive. Please pray that God would place a hedge of protection around our children and our family as a whole. Please pray that the people who truly know us and know our hearts will not forget what they know. Please just pray.
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